the veil asunder breaks

I have this thing. This fleshy, nasty, thick thing. And it separates me from my Father. Actually, we all have this "veil". And by veil I don't mean a curtain, or a wedding veil. It's not a piece of cloth and it's not thin. It's also not easy to tear. This veil is made of "living spiritual tissue", "the very thing humankind is made of". [I'm going to be quoting Tozer through this whole thing, so quotation marks mean it's from his book The Pursuit of God, although not direct quotes, my own interpretation.] To touch it is to "cause us pain". To tear it is to "make us bleed". This veil is all the self-sin that separates us from God. Self-righteousness, self-centeredness, self-love, self-pity, etc. For me, it's 16 years worth of junk separating me from the Lord. It is a thick wall type thing, made of my very heart and soul. It is my sin, it is my humanness. But it is a stumbling block, probably the largest we all will ever encounter. It allows me to judge, to hold anger in my heart, to be rude and evil. Without this veil, I would be able to see God in His fullness and glory. Sin would become nearly, if not completely, impossible. This veil, this wall, is made of membranes and flesh and veins. To watch the Lord touch it is for the very deepest caverns of my soul to cry out in agony. For Him to begin to rip it is the deepest pain ever experienced. But without this pain, this suffering, "the cross is no cross and death is no death at all". This pain is the very experience that Jesus felt, being crucified. It is the pain "any man must feel to truly be free". We cannot watch the Father tear us. I assume that it would be near impossible to watch, and still let Him continue. We must gaze upon His face, and make the suffering more bearable. Though His face is obscured, He is the clearest thing that rings true within our beings. He longs to tear this veil, to stand face to face with us, to show us His glory. He yearns to be that close to us, with nothing between. No separation. Yet we cannot tear this veil on our own. God must do it. After all, He is God and we are not. All we can do is "trust Him, give into His will". We must take the first step, and allow God to literally KILL us. It is dying to our flesh, and it is the only thing that will bring us into complete relationship with the Father. We must lose the things we hold close to us. This veil is made of "the most tender and dear things of humankind". It is our HEARTS. The deceitful things that betray us. Though the more we look into the face of the LORD GOD, the more He is able to tear, and the closer we are to Him in His fullness. On His throne. But, have faith. For "though the cross is painful, it does not leave it's victim hanging there. There comes a time when the suffering ends, and they die. After that comes glory, and power, and you completely forget about the suffering and pain before because you are filled with the joy of seeing the LORD in all His glory, and experiencing true spiritual relationship with Him". Have hope, this does not go on forever. He never said it would be easy, but He promised it would be worth it.

Father, I long to be with You. Help me to keep my eyes locked onto Yours, and let you rip me to pieces. Allow me to be weak so You can be strong. I can do nothing without You, Lord Jesus. I love you with an imperfect love, and I long to be so close with You that I may begin to love as You love. Thank You for the cross, thank You for your sacrifice. Continue to make me Your own living sacrifice, that my only objective in life may be to please You.