Transparency

So one of the things that I learned a lot about in Panimaquin was being transparent and real before others. And how freeing that is. How easy. In my journal I wrote it as finally letting out the breath I've been holding for 18 years. It feels good, let me tell you. (This is me warming you up for my honesty to come).

Today I had an encounter with a very familiar struggle to me. One where I feel incredibly insecure, unwanted, and emotional. My first reaction is to let my emotions take over, curl into a ball of pity, and cry. It's never even something big that gets me to this place, but it usually ends in a landslide. Today, upon running into this seemingly huge obstacle, I paused for a moment. This was it! My chance to put into action everything I learned over the past month, everything I feel like God has changed in me. Time to break the cycle of reacting like a massive baby and giving control to something minuscule. I quickly began to see it as an opportunity to allow Christ to come in and change this part of my heart so I never have to act like that again. I faced it with joy! Instead of crying, I began to pray; asking the Lord to change all of the immature things inside of me that make me react this way. It wasn't long before I felt His peace come and settle me. It was amazing. If I had done this years ago.... wow.

And, since I'm being honest; I could really use your prayers. Since I've returned from Guatemala and been thrown back into our crazy culture, I've been struggling a lot with the way I view myself, and my body in particular. It's a struggle I've always had, and I've been really praying for it lately as it seems to grow more and more in size. I know that God has made something beautiful in me, I just want to be able to see it too; past my big crazy mind. So, I would really appreciate your prayers. Gracias.